Unlike pretty well every other morning or occasion, however, we had actually gotten up early enough to cater to the inevitable unplanned hiccups. I had plenty of time to run to the grocery store and pick her up a cleverly marketed, totally convenient in a pinch, and insanely overpriced package of ’Lunchables’.
The clerk at the store fell squarely into whatever the politically correct verbiage for 'dumb as post’ would be. She was slow, disconnected and totally indifferent to the fact that everyone in the Express Lane might actually be in a bit of a hurry. The only thing missing from the scenario was a wad of gum to serve as her cud.
I was sandwiched in the line between two other impatient parents presumably also picking up last minute items for their children. And the somewhat frazzled lady immediately behind me in line was letting out audible sighs of disgust with the clerks every inefficient move. She was also moving closer and closer to me as if that would somehow grease the wheels of our slow procession. After what seemed an eternity , though in reality probably only really a minute or so, the lady was close enough that if I moved in any way I would bump her (and vice versa.) My skin began to crawl because, as you know, it’s not often Claudia Schiffer or Elle Macpherson that invades your space… and this was the case here as well. My space had officially been invaded by a grumpy, frumpy, impatient and less clean than I would have preferred woman.
I had tried moving as far as I could away from her but refused to crowd the dude in front of me in the same manner. Flashing a few dirty looks had little effect on this wildebeest and only seemed to encourage the encroachment. It had just begun to cross my mind that I need to start bringing a portable pylon kit for just this sort of occasion when I felt it… (No - not that - that’s disgusting!) She was close enough that I could actually feel the warm exhalation of one of her heavy, exaggerated sighs up and down the back of my neck. It sent chills down my spine and forced me to turn and face the breath monster now standing a mere few inches from my face. I swallowed back my rising stomach and said; ‘excuse me?!’ and did the quick up and down eye movement thing that lets a person know that you are referring to them in their entirety as the problem.
She responded with a “hmmph” and shimmied herself back an obligatory three or four inches.
The next few minutes were spent awkwardly hoping the clerk would actually figure out how to scan a barcode in fewer than 26 attempts - and feeling the newly refocused, seething hatred of the heavy breathing bovine behind me. Ultimately, receiving the receipt from our transaction was like being awarded a get-out-of-jail-free card.
So… To get back on track here… It’s Riley’s first day of school today and she was very excited.
-
Work has been dismal for me this week. Despite several running starts, I think this job may well be the least productive I have been in recent memory. I don’t know why - but it is taking FOREVER and the fact that my profit margin became non-existent several days ago is not helping with the lack of motivation. Ugh. I need to have it done for tomorrow, though, and better get to work.
Thanks for reading! Have a great long weekend!
Rod
No comments:
Post a Comment